You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
