So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
