she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
high people should be assigned attendants
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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