Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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