I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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