He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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