just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
