Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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