Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my being single is dangerous.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
