What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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