Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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