Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
