I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
