I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You're like the curious george of whores
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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