Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
