So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
