We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
