he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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