Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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