butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
