Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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