Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
