I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
