See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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