he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
