After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
