Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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