I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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