Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
