I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize