I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
