At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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