look no pants
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
