He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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