Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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