omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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