I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
