I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
