3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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