like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
