i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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