Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
