Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Fuck appropriateness.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
