Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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