think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
