I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
