party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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