OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
