Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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