i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
