well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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