Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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