Will you blow on my dice?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
