Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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