smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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