if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
