She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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