So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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