if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
