you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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