If i come over, it means nothing
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
